With the war on terror these days (or a back episode of 24), the occasional discussion of torture comes out. We need something effective to get dark secrets out of bad people, so what do we do? Light and/or sleep depravation? Physical violence? Waterboarding? There was always something sinister about Chinese Water Torture in my opinion, and I think I’ve proposed a new and improved version: Saab 9-5 NG lighting! With TWO 9-5 NG’s in our fleet now, doing anything is now times two courtesy of Mrs. Sonett’s 2011 Java Turbo4 Premium with Technology Package (to go along with my 2011 Diamond Silver Aero).
I did the lightbar in my Aero back when I bought the car in June, and not surprisingly, Java needs it as well now. My Aero had the third brake light acting up (mysteriously fixed itself?!?) and now Java has a couple of those LEDs out now. But given how trouble prone the rear main brake lights/turn signals are, I decided to focus on those first. The factory bulb is an H21W halogen, whose temperature closely rivals the Sun in surface temperature. Maybe we could use them for interrogation too? In any event, over time the bulb connection actually melts away, which causes the bulb error light to come on in the dashboard. More often, it actually melts the bulb socket. If the Saab gods are really in a mood, you can even melt the back of the tail light enclosure itself! The fix is to launch the halogen bulbs for a pair of LED bulbs…which also triggers the dashboard error light… so the fix (for that fix) is to also install the proper resistor so that the computer is fooled and you can still run LED bulbs. Just make sure the resistors are mounted to the metal body of the car, as they can get hot as well. I used a piece of electrical tape to hold the resistors in place until the epoxy dried. Be careful that you splice the resistors into the correct wires! That’s kind of a big deal… when done, your blinkers and brake lights should work with no errors on the dash.
Next up on the list was the trunk cargo area lights. While loading up for a recent excursion with the trunk lid open for a while, I thought the lights were going to melt the plastic lens! I went onto the Phillips lighting website (http://www.philipsautolighting.com/) and got the number for the cargo area lights (194LED by the way). If you reach behind the lens by removing the taillight access cover, you can pop the lens forward. Take a small screwdriver and push the old bulb out, then just push the new LED bulb in. And…it doesn’t work?!? Remember that LEDs are directional and only flow power in one direction, so if it doesn’t work, just flip the bulb around…back in business. The new light is cleaner and the bulb does not get warm, which should be good for the lifespan of the OEM plastic lens.
Next up were the license plate bulbs, since those lens get yellowed and brittle over time due to the OEM bulb heat. These bulbs are a 38mm “festoon” style bulb. So carefully remove the phillips screws that hold the lens in (you don’t want to strip these…) and then use a small flathead screwdriver to pop the lens down. Put in the new bulb and test the lights to make sure it’s in the right direction, then reassemble. Again, a pretty dramatic difference. The new LEDs are much cleaner looking and are actually the same temperature lighting (6000K) as the factory HID lights that both of our 9-5’s have. So after finishing the Aero, I went and repeated the process with the Java too.
In the words of the infamous Ron Popeil: “But wait, there’s more!”. There is literally a never-ending list of lighting on these cars that need fixing and/or upgrading. The factory daytime running lights (DRLs) are 3157 bulbs that also run nuclear. Despite modern HID headlights, the DRLs are regular old school bulbs. If you need proof of how hot they run, just take a look at the old bulb that came out! I could not find a clear Philips 3157 anywhere, so I gave the Sylvania version a try. It’s actually advertised as a great DRL replacement, and carries a Lifetime Warranty. So just remove the circular cover on top of the headlight assembly, turn the old bulb 90 degrees, and slide it out. Push the new bulb in and reinstall it. The next part is easier if your partner is around. The car needs to be in a lighted area, and gear selector in “Drive”, to get the DRLs to come on. So Mrs. Sonett jumped in and put the car in Drive (and resisted the urge to run over me). Side by side shows how much nicer looking the LED is! So I did the passenger side too, and again tested it (to make sure the bulb wasn’t in backwards). With no error lights on and everything looking good, I ordered up another set of bulbs and installed them in Java too.
The next bulbs were a little tougher to find in a brand name, so I settled for some no-name equal. The fog lights are a little more work, since you need to get the front end of the car up enough to take off the splash panels under the car. That done, the OEM bulbs come out just like the DRLs, just turn 90 degrees and pull them out. I installed the LEDs into the OEM lenses and plugged them back in. Splash panels back on I lowered the car and tested them out. Since these only plug in one way, you don’t have to worry about possibly installing them backwards. The new fog lights look great! Since these worked out well in the Aero, I’ll have to order another set for Mrs. Sonett’s 9-5.
If you still haven’t had enough, you can do map lights, puddle lights, dome lights, front turn signals, etc, etc… it’s really never-ending. Sort of like how after a day or two of Chinese Water Torture, the victims are ready to give up and will do anything to make it stop; well, I’m really ready to be done with light bulbs! But not before one final “ouch” to the wallet… Given that I’ve heard stories of 9-5 NG’s being totaled by insurance companies over not being able to find a replacement taillight, I decided to take matters into my own hands before I’m the one in a pinch… I’m not going to sugarcoat this, some of the eBay sellers are asshats. Trying to charge $800, $900, and even $1500 for a used taillight!!! So, I started stalking, and keeping an eye on a couple of auctions with $800 and $900 “Buy It Now” prices. By waiting to the last minute, I was able to grab the passenger side for $450 and the driver’s side for $550. So, for less than what some sellers want for just one light, I was able to buy two. They are all boxed up and safely tucked away…just in case. Are you ready for this type of insanity? Then you just might be ready for a 9-5 NG! I just hope you have Jack Bauer’s resiliency to pain…!
What On Earth Is An NG 9-5? 